I feel like I have been blindly reaching out my hand, trying to grasp something familiar. Anything, anything will do. I just need something to tide me over from a Christmas past. I feel like I am constantly waiting for a moment or a feeling to come creeping up that gives me some sort of a spark of spirit. Nothing is there and it makes my heart so sad. I can only half-heartedly listen to Christmas music and the presents have sorta been thrown under the tree. Addi is too young to really do any traditions or feel any excitement for this holiday season. I love Christmas, I always have... but this year it just isn't there. Maybe if 2ft of snow was dumped on my front yard and I was warm and snug in my house, but the truth is everything about this year is different. So, I have decided that I am going to stop trying to manufacture memories and I am just going to take whatever I can get..... that is all I can do. Maybe next year will be better. I guess it isn't practical to have a perfect Christmas every year. I will take my share of a Scrooge like Christmas and hope for merrier times.
But just know... I'll have a blue Christmas without you!
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