|Sorry, couldn't find link for this print :(|
I am a couple days late on this one, but I wanted to come back to it. I think it is so good to reflect over the years and see how God has worked in your life. There was a time in my life where I fought change; in fact I hated change and resisted it with every effort. Something as simple as inviting somebody new to our Thanksgiving dinner would throw me off and upset me. It's embarrassing to say that now, but it was very true up until recently. I feel like I can now safely say that I have reached a point in my life where change is welcome and even encouraged. I have gone through enough of it during the past six years or so that I finally reached a point where I see the value in it. Change is vital to growth, this I now realize.
At first glance, it would be easy to say that there has been no changes in the past year. Things pretty much look the same as they did last year. I live in the same house, have the same daily routines, and watch the same shows. Same old, same old. I get annoyed sometimes when people ask "what is new" because usually nothing is new.... it's the same. Yet, when I look a little closer and examine the crevasse's of my heart, I do notice settle changes. Maybe it's not in the big obvious things, like, whether I still like pb&j, but in the details and in the heart issues. There have been little things that probably aren't noticeable to the outside, but I see it and I know God sees it. This was the year I learned to listen and wait.
We, as a family, had a lot of questions on the table this year. Questions like: Am I going back to Kenya in the summer? Are we going to have another biological child? Are we still pursuing adoption/foster care? What do I do with these passions stirring in my heart? Those are all big questions; questions that life altering. I hate to say it, but normally I would have just figured it out on my own. I would have said "yes" to all of them and jumped in with reckless abandon. I mean, they are all great things so why wouldn't God want me/us to pursue all of them? Therein is where the issue lied. I never asked. Never. If it seemed like a good thing, then I always pushed after it, but something changed this year. You see, for the first time in my life, I asked.... I asked God what his plan was and what he wanted me to do. BUT not only did I ask, I LISTENED! When you ask, and he answers, and then you choose to listen, a funny thing happens. You find that there is immeasurable peace in the obeying.
I'll be honest, I got a lot of "no" and "just wait" this year from God. When we asked, "Lord, should we continue on the adoption/foster path?" he said, "not now". When we asked, "Lord, should we try for a third child?" he said, "no". When I cried out, "Lord, what do I do with all these passions stirring inside of me?" he said, "wait". Those are all hard answers. I asked them over and over again, hoping that the answer would change, but they never did. Yet, at the end of the day, when I finally gave into all the no's and waiting, I found such peace and comfort. No, none of those answers are what I wanted to hear, but I know that they are apart of His plan and that allows me to rest assured that he has something bigger and better than what I could ever imagine. There is a purpose to each and every one of his answers and for right now, I am just resting in his promises of faithfulness. While this season of waiting is hard and sometimes confusing, I'll just keep on trusting in good ol' Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you...". I am certainly glad somebody knows what's going on around here ;) For now, I will "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12