It's so funny to think back to my childhood dreams of adulthood. I was so fickle and constantly changing my answer to this question. I had wanted to be a scientist, a storm chaser, and a writer. Funny that science was apart of my dreams as I am pretty sure I got a "C" in high school chemistry. Not. My. Thing. Interestingly enough, writing has always been a secret passion of mine. When I was younger, I used to turn on Classical music and write down stories that the music invoked inside of me. I would tuck myself away and spend countless hours daydreaming these romantic stories. Most of the time, it was of a young girl who lived in a secret house with her mean uncle, only to be discovered by a young boy who would admiringly watch her from far off (sounds a little creepy now that I am typing this). Honestly, I think part of the reason I struggled in school was because I was always lost in my own make believe dreams. It was certainly far more interesting than numbers and paperwork, you know? Unfortunately, English class kind of ruined that for me too when what I wrote had to fit into a box that was set by the teacher. It took all the fun out of writing and I lost that passion for a time.
When I got into middle school/high school, all I knew was that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Unfortunately, stay at home mom doesn't fit into a category when you take those silly tests that are supposed to help you figure out a career path. I felt really lost for a long time. So, I went into college not really knowing what I wanted to be. They slapped the "Undecided" label on me and I wandered through many different classes trying to figure it all out. Eventually, I picked Family Studies as a major; funny since family was all I really wanted.
So, here I am. I have what I dreamed of for all those years and it's great... it really is. I am so thankful for my husband who loves and supports me through the decision to stay at home with our two kids. It is most certainly way harder than I dreamed it would be, but I know it is going to be worth while in the end. I get to pour into my children each and every day, shape them and mold them. I am not perfect at it. Quite the opposite, really. I fail them all the time, every day, but thankfully Jesus is there buffering all the rough edges. Gosh, I am so thankful for his grace that is constantly being poured out over me when I stumble and fall. I couldn't walk through motherhood without him; I really couldn't. I am focusing on these two little people that I have been given. My time as a stay-at-home mom is so fleeting and I want to do it well.
Yet, for the first time in, like, forever, I really have started thinking about what I want to do "when I grow up". I only have three years until my children are in school and then I will start a "real" job (parenting is a real job. Don't let anybody tell you it's not). Since childhood and even college, I have discovered my true passions. Passions like missions, orphans, photography and writing. I have a heart for this world and the people living in it. I just feel like life is so much bigger than what we allow ourselves to think it is and I want to be apart of it. I don't know what that exactly looks like, but I know that Jesus does. He has a plan and a purpose for the talents and passions he has given me and what he has in store is far better than what I could ever imagine. So, while I guess my future is still technically "undecided" there is somebody who knows. He knew 10 years ago when I was a senior in high school and he knows today. I am glad somebody around here does ;)
"Thankfully Jesus is there buffering all the rough edges. Gosh, I am so thankful for his grace that is constantly being poured out over me when I stumble and fall." Yes, yes, yes! Praise the Lord for grace! So glad you're joining in the challenge, friend!
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